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Health & Fitness

Relationship Mistakes: How Do You Get Your Needs Satisfied?

How Do You Get Your Needs Satisfied?

I am going to discuss some of the mistakes that you or your partner may have made in forming a relationship that seemed promising in the very beginning. In some circles, it is thought that men and women think differently and have different needs. This may be true. It benefits you to really understand the opposite sex fully. The same is true for you to understand yourself and know how you go about getting your needs satisfied.

Mistake Number One: Neediness
It doesn’t matter if you’re male or female. If you adopt the strategy of entering or being in a relationship where you take a needy position, you will be sending out messages that you’re insecure, even if you are not. That strategy can not only alienate your intended partner, but it can distance you from the wonderful world of love. For example, if you go after your intended in a needy manner, almost like a beggar and promising to be the most wonderful partner, this puts you in a one down position. 

(However, you can change your approach in one minute with the right strategy and an effective metaphor. I’ll explain that later.)
   
   The minute you stop and shift, guess what, s/he starts coming back. When you stop needing that person so much, s/he starts to feel safe enough to try again. (This applies to both sexes.) In another situation, you might be dealing with the so-called trial period. She keeps injuring. He keeps injuring. The partner just doesn’t measure up. Neither party understands how they were injuring one another. One of the mistakes that a male or female makes with their partner is not making the other into the one and only Queen or King of the universe. When this happens, the partner that doesn't measure up is “fired” from the relationship and the other become free to love another (eventually repeating the same pattern all over again).

   Ladies: if you’re in a relationship, don’t hang on to your man in public if he is private and exclusive. Don’t be a clinger. Men: do you want to be clingy and possessive with your partner or your former partner? Are you hanging on for dear life, operating out of desperation and the hope that she will show up and fully realize what a wonderful, beautiful person you are?

Mistake Number Two: Verbal Abuse & Negativity 

   Talking mean, saying bad things, making accusations, throwing guilt, and blaming is like throwing hand grenades into a fire. You are just begging for trouble. One man kept staying in a dysfunctional relationship based on the rationale that he loved her. He kept saying this over and over to himself and thus kept himself in a relationship where he was constantly the target. She threw nothing but nasty, harsh accusations at him. Was this some kind of neurotic masochism, a need to be punished on his part? Perhaps, he was guilty of doing some very nasty things himself or felt unworthy of being treated decently. Remember, your words and your physical behavior communicate a lot and have a deep effect on your relationships.

   Are you carrying around Emotional Baggage from your past relationships and your childhood experiences? Nobody wants to deal with that. You will need to understand the powerful effect that words and metaphors have upon all relationships and subsequent behavior.

(I can teach you how to release yourself from values inherited from your past, that lock you into destructive and unworkable patterns. You can change things instantly if you are willing to take action.)
    
Speaking negatively and using such words as pig, slut, idiot, stupid, abuser, bitch, crazy, etc. is destructive. Get these words out of your vocabulary and your conversations. Let’s use a simple metaphor: “Be nice.” It is amazing what the positive power of reinforcement can do. If you foster the negative, the negative will grow. If you foster the positive, that will grow. If you believe in overusing the word, “Can’t”, then you will ultimately believe you can’t … and, you won’t.

(I can show you how to change your belief system, so that you can realize your full power and effectiveness.) 

What comes out of your mouth determines the outcome. Whiners, complainers and fault finders slowly destroy a relationship. If he ain’t smiling, you’re not making him happy and vice versa. Ladies, did you know that the sexiest part of you is your smile? When you are smiling, he knows he is making you happy. If he is smiling and laughing, then you are making him happy. Negativity does not lead to safety, comfort and Security ... or a lasting relationship.

Big Mistake Number Three: Emotional Unattractiveness
   If you only appeal to his sexual side, you will lose. You need to become emotionally attractive. If he sees you and experiences you as emotionally unattractive, all the sexiness in the world won’t keep you connected to him. I remember years ago when several women were vying for my attention. One of them kept coming at me sexually. She was not emotionally attractive to me, however. I chose another female who was much more emotionally attractive. Pay attention to the early warning signs. Learn to use good judgment and your instincts to really see whether danger and trouble is written all over a potential partner.

   Ladies, if you are not emotionally clear and healthy, you are heading down a dangerous road and you can expect an explosion. Gentlemen, if you are not emotionally attractive to her, you will not keep her in the long run. You need to work on yourself and develop all of those characteristics that make you absolutely irresistible to the right woman who can relate to you from an equal emotional level. Once you learn how to combine emotional attractiveness with sexual pleasure, you will have a great relationship that is not only emotionally close but sexually ecstatic.

   There is the emotional bond and there is the pleasure bond. The woman that I am married to now for over 30 years is the most emotionally attractive, physically beautiful and sexually magnetic person I have ever met. Men are drawn to her because of her emotional attractiveness. Sexuality follows secondarily. She is absolutely and totally loyal to me and vice versa. We had to learn those characteristics and those emotional traits before we were ready for a complete and totally fulfilling cosmic relationship. Sexual attraction and emotional attractiveness require two different skill sets. Satisfy his/her emotional needs and sexuality follows.

   Does your partner feel emotionally safe and secure with you? Do you know how to fulfill a partner emotionally and sexually? Mold these two together and you have ecstasy. In my relationship with my wife, our conversations are ecstatic and mutually agreeable while at the same time being solution oriented. We never cross boundaries or go beyond into the unacceptable. We are strategically effective.

   Ladies, do you know how to capture a man’s heart? Men, are you aware of what completely pushes a woman away and alienates her from wanting to be connected to your soul? These skills can be learned…

Mistake number four: Falling in Love with Potential 
   If you do not know how to evaluate/size up a man or woman’s relationship potential, you will bomb in the relationship. Potential is one thing. Having it all together is another. Do you want to have it all together? If you and your partner are in potential, are you willing to seek out those skills and strategies that will help you grow together and reach your unlimited potential in the wonderful world of relationship ecstasy? Readiness is knowing and having all the necessary skills for personal and relationship success.

   Remember, attraction by itself can get you into trouble. If you are drawn magnetically to a certain partner and it ends up in disaster, you will need to shift your belief system and your emotional patterns to help you release any kind of destructive behaviors. Check out the danger potential. Is s/he dangerous and is that part of the attraction? What do you communicate? Is it safety or danger? Remember that some people are never ready or well-prepared for an ecstatic relationship. What’s missing? Our program can get you where you need to be.

   You can learn from your mistakes. But, that’s the hard way. An easier way is to learn from the experts. You can enter into our full coaching and counseling program with individual sessions, and utilize our E-Therapy Program the will provide the daily email support that you need to get through the rough times.

   Ask about our 90 day Ultimate Success Program for any area of your life and achieve the greatness that is already lying dormant within you.

For more information on my work and therapy programs, go to www.psychotherapyhelp.com. Download free articles and sign up for my free newsletter. There are also books, e-books, hypnosis CDs, and seminar programs to purchase at PsychotherapyHELP ... all designed and dedicated to making you feel "FANTASTIC"!

Regards,
Paul J. Hannig, Ph.D, MFT
PsychotherapyHELP - www.psychotherapyhelp.com
phannigphd@att.net - 818-882-7404

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