Advice on What to Do Before, During and After a Funeral Service

Knowing what to do before, during and after a funeral service can be difficult, especially if you are personally affected by the loss. While every service is unique, these basic tips can help you determine what to do when someone you know loses a loved one.

Prior to the Service

·         Send a card or sign the online guestbook with a personal note to offer condolences. Many families will read the messages again for ongoing emotional support.

·         Check the obituary, contact the funeral home to confirm the service is open to the public. Ask the funeral home if there is a viewing.

·         Honor flower/donation requests. If the family requests a donation to a charitable organization in lieu of flowers, it is important to honor the family’s wishes.

·         Show your support. Volunteer to pick up dry cleaning, shop for groceries, or deliver meals. Offer to help make phone calls or stay at the house to while family members make arrangements.

During the Service

·         Wear proper funeral attire. While there is no longer a requirement to wear all black, it is always safe to wear conservative clothing in dark or neutral colors.

·         Arrive early. Arrive at the funeral home, church, synagogue, temple or chapel at least 15 minutes before the service is expected to begin. Turn off all cell phones and all electronic devices.

·         Sign the register book so that the family can have a keepsake of everyone who came to pay their respects.

·         Participate in the ceremony. Follow the lead of the clergy or main speaker and participate as appropriate. Participating in the ceremony will help you grieve and will comfort the family. If asked to speak, be mindful of length of the service and respectful of the time of the other guests.

·         Turn on your headlights if you are part of the funeral procession.

After the Service

·         Offer transportation to out of town guests.

·         Call or stop by for a visit. Check in with the family several days after the service and again once out-of-town guests return home.

·         Deliver food. Delivering meals helps take the burden off the family, especially if they are hosting out of town guests.

·         Stay connected and proactive. It’s important to come up with creative ways to stay connected because many times the bereaved will not feel like socializing or will not want to ask for help. Instead of asking the family if there is anything they need, do something special for them.

For more information, or to receive copies of our complimentary Grief Management Series, please contact Abel Gonzales by calling 818.886.8600, or via email at abel.gonzales@dignitymemorial.com, or visit our website, www.bastianandperrott-oswaldmortuary.com.